happy birthday

well, happy belated birthday to you.


i know i supposed to tell you this yesterday,

i sent you a message but haven't heard back from you.

maybe you're too busy because final exam is coming.

or maybe... i dont know. all i know is that this whole thing.. sucks.

i miss you

i miss you like so damn fucking crazy a lot.

you taught me how to do matrix invers.

and i got 100 on my math test.

im so happy

but then i realized

the reason that im happy was because you're the one who taught me how to do it.

you're the one who made me understand.

not only matrix,

you made me understand that life... is not that fucked up.

because you're here.

not actually here but..

i just feel like you're always here.

but still.. it sucks.

oh god...

i miss you more than ever.

i miss you most.

i miss you.

and this feeling... it sucks..

so damn bad.

actually i don’t know why i keep on loving you.

despite the fact that i’ll get hurt again just like before.

i never learn cause i don’t want to..

not now..

when i’m still strong to fall for you over and over again. 

you're the reason why i cry, smile, love and try. maybe if my heart stops beating it wont hurt this much.. please dont get me wrong:)) because i'll never let this go.. but i cant find the words to tell you. i dont want to be alone. but now i feel like i dont know you.. one day you'll get sick of saying that everything's alright, and by then im sure i'll be pretending just like i am every single day. happy birthday, i really cant wish anything but the best for you. :)